pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
