think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
