im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
