My friends, they love my intelligence
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
