I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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