i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
