Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
