I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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