He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
