I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
