i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
