I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
