Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
