ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
