Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
