if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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