She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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