I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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