I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
