I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
