proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize