I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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