All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
