I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
