I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
