He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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