I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
