NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
