Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
