she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
