Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize