I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
