Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
