SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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