I'm passing your future prison.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
