They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
