just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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