i just made my gag reflex go away.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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