just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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