i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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