I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am available for nakedness
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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