I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize