Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
