Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
