brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
