Your mouth is God's brothel.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
