i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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