Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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