Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you never un-have a 4some
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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