I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
