i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
