I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
