The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
