you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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