Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My pussy is not your playground.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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