Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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