Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
