Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
