there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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