So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
