a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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