Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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