yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
