I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize