I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
