Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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