The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
