Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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