I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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