I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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