That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
