oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
