Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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