So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
